Certainly Uncertain

If there ever was a stand out feeling in my life, it would be uncertainty.  It feels vague, yet heavy, and is like a big question mark with a side of struggle.  It’s an ever pervasive feeling that is woven right into the fabric of my everyday being.  I’m wondering often….

mindlessly doodling with no direction

~Am I saying or doing the right thing?

~Am I creating art that is worthy?

mindlessly sketching.

I’ve read that the feelings we are having right now, in this moment, are the most important ones.  They shuffle in our next moments of reality.  If I’m focused on how flawed someone is, I may likely act out in some form or judge them .  If I’m focused on how beautiful something is, then in the next moment, I will probably overlook someones flaws and refrain from judging their reality.  What can uncertainty bring?  It usually has me uncomfortably reaching for the next idea, or better feeling.  In other words, growing.

Writers write, singers sing, artists paint or draw their uncertainty, yet probably won’t show anyone what they came up with.  It might be messy and disconnected as far as art goes, yet I prefer rolling up my sleeves and  getting my hands dirty anyways, and yes, waste a little time.  It’s a lot more liberating than being frozen or stuck in myself.  When feeling uncertain, I will create bad art and tuck it away for reflection at a different time.  I typically will walk away from the piece before its finished.  More often than not, It’s usually telling me something of how I was living or feeling at the time.  The best I can do each day is ask for God’s direction and go with my gut feeling, and create bad art.